About The Abused

An astounding article I borrowed from "The Victor Marx Story."

The Voice of the Abused

By Donna Ferguson

Author: "The Someday Kid"

We have chosen to walk the road to recovery. You may have known us for years but you probably know very little about us. We grow up without confidence, security or a sense of our value. We had to learn how to keep ugly secrets, deny our feelings and assume the blame for the cruelty of others. We became expert at disguise, denial and pretense. But we no longer allow the effects of our past to manipulate us.

We have chosen to learn new skills.

The survival skills of our childhood can now be put away. We will come out of denial, stop hiding behind our false selves, and risk trusting others with who we really are.  We have chosen to respond rather than to react to all people, at all times, in all situations.  We will learn how to recognize the truly loving people in the world and know that we, too, are worthy of love. 

This won't be an easy journey for us. The journey to wholeness may at times drain our courage and strip away our confidence.  We will run into traps and setbacks. We will get frustrated and angry. We may cry. 

At times we will even feel the way we felt as children: terrified and helpless, unable to trust or feel safe again. 

Please be sensitive to the struggling child within us. We are mourning the betrayal and cruelties of our youth. We know the full extent of our brokenness. We know too that some of our pieces are missing. But please do not label our grief as self pity, for our tears are long overdue. They glow in sorrow for our wounded inner child and for the adult years stolen by our offenders. 

Please don't tell us to forget about our past, to count our blessings or to get on with life. We've all tried that. It doesn't work. We know we must learn how to put the past to rest now.  But healing the scars of an abusive childhood is a long, difficult process. We don't know just how long it will take. We need to learn how to establish safe boundaries, how to find the confidence to manage our new life; and how to put away the survival skills of the old one.

We realize that you may frequently resent the effects our past abuse has had on us as marriage partners or as friends. We know,  too, that you may feel threatened by our decision to seek healing, because at times, you may have to take this difficult journey with us. No, life isn't fair. You don't deserve this anymore than we deserved the abuse. But we need to be liberated from our anger and our resentment. They keep us bound to the pain of our past. 

At times we may pull away from you when you reach out to help us. But please keep on reaching. And you may feel shut out by the walls we erected as children, trying to protect ourselves when we were growing up. But try to be patient. We can only take down our walls one brick at a time. We don't expect you to make up the wrongs of our childhood. Nor do we ask that you assume the responsibility for our healing. This we will do for ourselves. Just affirm and support us as we seek healing for our wounded child. 

And finally please don't try to "fix" us. We don't need your pity. We need your prayers, your encouragement and your understanding until we can take our place beside you, as whole persons. When we have completed our journey, when we have finally closed up our wounds this much we promise: That we'll be able to look up with trust, to share new strengths and feel safe expressing our love as we begin the celebration of the rest of our days... together.