'The Mask'

“Do you know what I like most about Haven of Hope?” Susan asked as we sat talking around the table. And when we all sat silently, wondering what it could be, she continued, “I’m safe here.”

Susan had been adopted at seven years of age into a loving family, at least she thought it was a loving family. Soon the new wore off, and she started showing the almost certain behavior of a child who grew up in the streets. Then until Susan was fourteen she lived with physical, verbal, and sexual abuse from her parents.

Susan’s biological father and older brother were in prison most of her life, and her mom worked as a bartender. She told of her and her three younger siblings going to the bar to get money for food. And she talked about stealing to survive. Then eventually how the state took them, split them up, and adopted them out. You could hear the heartache in Susan’s voice as she told us she had no idea where any of her siblings were except the brother in prison, and one sister. She talked about how her dad died in prison from hepatitis–C, and of her mom being in prison. Though there were tears in my eyes, and the eyes of the other girls Susan never shed a tear.

At church we started noticing that Susan’s face was set like a mask when the Pastor talked about the love God has for His children. At times when tears streamed down the cheeks of all around, her eyes were dry. It seemed that because of the relationship she had with the two father figures in her life, Susan didn’t know how to respond to our ‘Heavenly Father’s Love’. Susan never let down her guard during the time she was with us. But our time, love, and energy weren’t wasted.
My heart was touched by how wholeheartedly Susan responded to any gesture of love. If I bought anything for all the girls, her appreciation was evident, and she was quick to thank me. Susan’s eyes would light with joy at a pat on the shoulder a smile, or word of approval. She was starved for love.

Haven of Hope is a short term home for teen girls with emotional and/or behavior problems. So when Susan’s time was up she had to leave. It hurt to see her go because we hadn’t seen the breakthrough with her we wished to see. But we stay in touch and remind Susan of our love, and most importantly of God’s love for her. We may have planted the seeds and not seen the harvest. But God will send another to water, and possibly someone else to reap. It will be a joyful day when we hear as we expect to one day of Susan finding the love she has searched for.