He Knows My Frame

Psalm 103 is one of my favorite chapters of the Bible. It speaks of God’s unimaginable love and His plenteous mercy toward us, His children. It is hard for me to understand how God loves us all. He doesn’t love only the sweet, honorable person who is likeable and seems to make all the right choices in life. But, He equally loves the one who seems to hate everyone in their life and who seems intent on making everyone else hate them. Why does God love us equally? What does He see in us that we often don’t see? “He knows our frame”…

 How could the fact that “God knows our frame” cause Him to love us and be merciful to us? I thought about that question with the idea in mind of builders building a house. The builders may begin on a beautiful site with the finest materials. Then because of finances, impatience, lack of know-how, or simply inattentiveness bad material is used in the frame, and it is thrown together haphazardly. Even though the house is beautiful outwardly, the frame has been damaged and will need serious and expensive repairs to be safe. The same happens with so many Mom’s and Dad’s who began their family with high hopes for a beautiful future, and bright dreams of what their children would become when they were grown. Then heartache, impatience, lack of know-how or a myriad of events cause them to begin haphazardly throwing the frame together that is the structure for their child’s future. Many children grow up never being aware that they can change, and that their frame can be made strong morally and spiritually.

 Our Master Builder recognizes the damage in the frame of His children and recognizes the bad choices that are made because of bad framing. He sees the one who has been sexually abused who thinks the only way they can find love is through promiscuity, or the one who lies, cheats and steals that is seeking the attention they’ve never known, or the person who abuses others because they hope to get rid of some of the pain they have suffered. God still loves those them, though He isn’t content with them to remain like they are. (Like Max Lucado said, “God loves you just the way you are, but He refuses to leave you that way.)

God sees the heartache of parents dying, the abuse, neglect, desertion, or total lack of love that have formed the warped and unsteady frame of the beautiful child we see. He has given us the task of helping with the extensive repairs in the lives of these children so they can grow into adulthood being not only beautiful outwardly, but being structurally safe.

The Invisible Child

“A name is missing.” I thought to myself as I updated the birthday list for Tupelo Children’s Mansion. “How many times does it take checking and rechecking to figure out which child I am forgetting?” Finally after checking the resident list I saw whose name it was and added her. She was the same child I couldn’t remember last month when I reorganized the ‘Update Letter Group’ record. “That was strange”, I thought. But considering the busy schedule we have forgetting sometimes was understandable. Today as I walked across campus the girls from one residence hall met me, and stopped to talk. After chatting a few minutes and returning to work I started writing down the names of the children for the photographer to order their photos. Recalling their faces, one seemed to be missing. “The girls were just talking to me. Who wasn’t with them?” Then I found out, she was there all the time, I just didn’t see her. How can I look at children but one seems invisible? Sympathetically, and uncomfortably I speculate, “Has she always been invisible at home, at school, at church, or wherever else she has gone? How often has her heart cried out to be noticed, to be loved, to be important to someone? She isn’t tall and slim, short and fat, stunningly beautiful, nothing that grabs your attention, nor does she have a charismatic, outgoing, or fun personality. I notice nothing that reaches out to people, at least, not visibly. I am not saying the child is or ever has been neglected, but has she always seemed invisible? And if she has, how many other children in our world feel the same? How often have I seen but not seen someone? Could I recount to you the numerous people I have heard, but not heard? Fortunately for them, they are far from invisible to God, but I want to see them when I look, and truly listen when they speak, the same as He does.

Little

…When thou wast little in thine own sight, wast thou not made the head of the tribes of Israel… I Samuel 15:17

LITTLE- Strong’s Hebrew # 6994, # 6996- not worthy, insignificant, small in importance or strength, low in social standing, triviality.

Several times through the Old Testament this word was used in referring to little children, a little lad, a little child, and a little maid. The majority of those times the child wasn’t named, due I suppose to their insignificance.

When I was a child times were starting to change. (You’ll know I’m old when I write this.) But, I can recall going to a few homes where the children waited until the adults had eaten, then they could eat what was left.

We were told, “Children are to be seen not heard." Whatever children had to say back then was generally not considered important.

In the New Testament when children came to Jesus He would lift them up and hold them. But, I’m sure the Apostles tried to shoo them away because they were insignificant.

But, what significance were they to Jesus?

Jesus said…”Become as a little child." Matthew 18:2-6

"…Whosoever shall not receive the Kingdom of God as a little child , he shall not enter therein." Mark 10:15

Surely Jesus didn’t want us to become small in stature and maturity. I think He wants us to become insignificant as to our own importance, other than the fact that we are His child..

King David said, “ I am small and despised…" Psalms 119:141. He had committed adultery and murder. From reading his prayer of repentance in Psalms 51, I can’t help but believe he wasn’t referring to what others thought of him here, but of what he felt about himself.

These scriptures bring to my remembrance a time in my life when I was married to a companion who was disloyal, and unfaithful, time and again. When I faced people at church or the community who knew of his infidelities, and they mentioned my faithfulness and good attitude considering the circumstances. I would say that was how I was supposed to be. It never dawned on me that I was proud of being a faithful wife in spite of the circumstances. That God was the one who was making the difference in my life and attitude. I didn’t know my heart.

I noticed something when reading Psalms 51, David said, "…Create in me a clean heart… renew in me a right spirit… restore unto me the joy of thy salvation…" Renew and restore mean to bring back something I once had. Create means to make something I never had. Perhaps David and I were the same. Our right spirit and joy in salvation fooled us into thinking our heart was clean, too. But, God could see what we couldn’t.

"...Who maketh thee to differ from another? What hast thou that thou didst not receive?" I Corinthians 10:12-18

In our plain old daily language we would say; "Why are you acting like you’re something special? Did you create your beautiful face? Did you create that intelligent mind? Did you create your talent?"

Not only do we sometimes get puffed up for physical reasons. If someone has committed a bad sin or has a bad attitude we are probably all guilty at one time or another of saying, “I’m glad I’m not like that.”

What does Jesus say about that attitude?

Pharisee (Praying) “God I thank thee that I am not as other men are, (I can hear him now in that holier-than-thou voice) extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all I possess.”

Publican (Praying, and not even lifting his eyes to heaven.) “God be merciful to me a sinner.”

Who do you think was little in his own eyes? Of course the publican was. And Jesus said he went home justified but not the other man.

"Put on therefore…humbleness of mind…" Colossians 3:12

If we are to put on humbleness of mind, what is it? Does that mean sitting in a corner not doing anything?

HUMBLENESS – Greek # 5012- This virtue, a fruit of the gospel, exists when a person through most genuine self-evaluation deems himself worthless. The humble person is not stressing his sinfulness, but his creatureliness, of absolute dependence, of possessing nothing, and of receiving all things from God.

"…And to be clothed with humility; for God resisteth the proud and giveth grace to the humble. Humble yourselves …that He may exalt you…" I Peter 5:5-6

PROUD –Greek # 5524- One who compares himself (secretly or openly) with others and lifts himself above them.

"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind…" Philippians 2:3

I always thought strife was when people fought verbally or physically. But, Strong’s Concordance brings it out more personally for me.

STRIFE – Greek # 2052- Ambition, self-seeking, rivalry, self-will being an underlying idea in the word.

Sin can and does change a person. For years I’ve tried to recover my relationship with God, and become the fun-loving person with a positive outlook on life that I once was. But, now that I look at it in a different light, maybe that was the JOY OF THE LORD and HIS positive outlook reflecting through me. When people enjoyed being around me, it wasn’t me, but HIM they were drawn to.

Because of my self-will and unclean heart these situations have happened in my life. I pray that I can humble myself so HE can exalt me, so His JOY, positive outlook, and trust can be reflected through me.

Barbara Bush wrote a book;”Heart Trouble”. In it she tells me how to be humble.

1. Be teachable-Have a desire to learn more of God’s Word. II Timothy 2:15, Acts 17:11

2. Be obedient-It takes greater humility to obey than to only listen. John 14:15, Matthew 15:8

3. Be submissive-Submissive isn’t much different from obedience. Submission refers to the attitude, and obedience shows action. Submission isn’t a teeth-gritting, resentful response but a loving reverence for others. Ephesians 5:19-24, Ephesians 6:1-3

4. Be gentle-Not the aggressive confrontational attitude of the world. I Peter 3:4-5

5. Be prayerful-Prayer is an act of humility. We are admitting to God we aren’t able to make it on our own. Our pride is what keeps us from seeking God. Psalms 10:4, Zephaniah 2:3

I have said many times that I got so busy I forgot to pray. Though I didn’t say it verbally, my actions are saying, “God, I can make it on my own. I don’t need your help.” That doesn’t sound humble to me.
There have been some things God has cleansed from my heart and yet others He is still working on. If I can only see my heart as He sees it and allow Him to change me.

Shelly's Story

She was a reserved, polite girl. There wasn’t the rebelliousness we struggled with in most of the Haven of Hope (HOH) girls. So why was she here you may ask. Shelly had grown up in the projects, her mom was emotionally unstable and abused drugs, her dad was an alcoholic, and she had been molested. So it was decided that she would be a high risk child to have in the less structured environment of the Mansion.

Shelly had been won to God through ‘Street Rage’ and was mentored by the people who started it. She seemed to have an unusually strong love for God than most children her age. And was quick to stand up for what she believed to be right. She wasn’t as likely to be in trouble because of peer pressure as the other girls she lived with at HOH.

We watched Shelly grow in knowledge of the Word, and blossom under the love, and structure we provided her. When she completed the program at Haven of Hope it wasn’t easy to see her return to the environment she had grown up in. We prayerfully kept in touch with her to give encouragement. We encouraged Shelly to stay in school when she talked about quitting due to problems she was having there. And when she left her family and moved into the home of some godly people she attended church with in another city we were thrilled.

Considering the factors from Shelly’s childhood it was a miracle in itself to see her graduate from high school. But, for her to graduate with honors was an amazing feat and testimony of the astonishing young lady she has become.

While waiting for college to start Shelly texted me one day and excitedly told me she had been hired at Wendy’s fast food restaurant. Then a few weeks later she texted again and said she doesn’t like her job and was planning to quit. I asked if she has another job lined up and she replied that she didn’t. So I talked to her about her performance on that job affecting the type of job that might be available for her when she moves on. We discussed how she can set her mind to be the best employee they had, about her possibly being the one to lead one of her peers to God, and how that could be the purpose of her being there. So she decided she would work hard at the job and pray for God’s guidance.

Shelly is an unusual young lady and seems thankful for the advice given her. She is still working at Wendy’s and attending college to become an accountant. She is involved with her church, is active with ‘Street Rage’ in helping reach other teens that are growing up in the same environment as she did, and is praying for God to direct her in His will. A while ago she told me that she is doing wonderful in her job and college.

Though we know we have helped others, seeing the success Shelly is encourages us to continue reaching out to other young women who have had tough things thrown at them in life. We feel confident we can see others reach out and grasp the help that we offer through Haven of Hope Girl’s Home.

‘Whose Hand Can Reach You Now?’

You are sinking in a slough of anxiety and depression! The sensation is of spiraling downward after the plug has been pulled from a tub, or being sucked under by quicksand! It doesn’t matter that you ‘thought’ yourself into the state of mind you are in-all that matters is that you feel hopeless and helpless!

You feel the warmth of the murky, stifling waters closing over you! The ooze of the marsh mud seems to smother your cries for help as they swallow you up! You try to recall how you could have possibly gone so far astray from the path when you thought you followed it so closely! How could you have not realized that the sun doesn’t shine where you are now? You struggle to think coherently as you know ‘now’ would be your only hope for survival! But it is useless!

Before you were trapped in this slime you could raise your arms, wave your hands, sing, dance, and run among oh so many other things! You didn’t realize how thankful you should have been for the freedom then! But, when it seems that it is all lost you realize how wonderful it was! And you wonder as you sink lower and lower, “Is this the end of the beauty, and sunshine for me?” And you almost believe that it’s over.

In years past you recall seeing others sinking in the mire and you thought when you made them laugh, shined the light their way, or cheered them up that they would be fine! You weren’t patient with them when it seemed they wanted to stay where they were! You didn’t understand their helplessness! But, now you realize how badly they wanted to be rescued!

Where lies the hope for rescue from this dilemma? How can you make yourself heard? Whose hand can reach you in your bewilderment, and perplexity? You know others care but they can’t reach so far! You know only one who can reach so far down-God is your only hope of survival!!!

"Drugs! Are They A Positive Escape For Me?"

I see the vultures. They watch me bleed. They lick their lips, as all the shame spills out of me. -Bring Me The Horizon-
That quote was from a band that, while I was at home, I often listened to. As I began my lesson it just came to me. Drugs are like vultures. They stalk you, waiting for their prey. And once they get a hold of you, you are like a vultures prey; dead meat. Drugs will eat away your soul.
My Mom was a great person, a good Mother, and a hard worker. One of my family members introduced her to crack. And to this day, she is still suffering from severe addiction. Her addiction is not only affecting her, but, also our family. My brother has brain damage because of my Mom smoking it while she was pregnant. My other siblings are separated because of her not being stable enough to take care of us. Lives are being ruined because of drugs. I almost ruined my own life because of them. I had given up on God and life. I tried everything I could to get high. But, my Mother’s mistakes helped me realize that I was going down the wrong path.
My Dad is also an addict. But, just because my parents messed up their life, I don’t have to mess up mine.
In I Corinthians 6:19 it says, “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, And you are not your own? Your body belongs to God, and when you harm yourself, you are hurting Him. It is a sin to harm yourself. It is a sin to do drugs. That is my lesson on ‘Drugs” (Are They A Positive Escape?)

(Written by one of the Haven of Hope girls)

To Haven of Hope Girls

Each of you are writing a story, it is the story of your life. Now, you can decide what will be on the pages or chapters you write tomorrow. But when each chapter is complete you can’t edit out the parts that didn’t work, or that brought adverse consequences. Those pages are written with no way to undo them.

In the Garden of Eden the serpent spoke to Eve to influence her to eat the forbidden fruit. If the serpent had commanded her to eat the fruit she would have likely replied as you would today, “Who died and made you boss?” But he made a suggestion to sway her. The message he got across to her was, “Don’t let someone else control your life” or “Do what makes you happy.” It worked on Eve just as it has with each of us many times.

Often the choices we have made whether good or bad have been made to make another happy. But the choices that make up the story of your life are too important to be made for someone else’s approval. Each choice should be considered as if it is the difference between life and death, which it possibly could be. When that page can be written without compromising your conscience, and with the confidence that it is the right thing to do, it will bring courage and strength for the next choice you must make.

*I quote from Neil Eskelin in “What To Do when you don’t know What To Do”.

Since our feelings and passions are so dominant and commanding it is vital that our commitments are based on truth and strong values.

William Bennet, in his ‘Book of Virtues”, says, “The vast majority of Americans share a respect for certain fundamental traits of character: honesty, compassion, courage, and perseverance.” These are virtues that should be the bedrock on which all change is based.

A person may be endowed with attractive physical characteristics, have a delightful personality, and dress with style and flair. But such things are only the wrapping on the package. What is on the inside? What about your basic character?

Neil has told us that you being beautiful, your great personality, and fine clothes are not the treasure that you possess, the treasure lies within.


Your talent, personality, and charisma may be used to impress the rock music world, you may succeed and build wealth, and fame. But, happiness isn’t found there and the fun only lasts for a short time and generally it brings loneliness in spite of the crowds and fans. On the other hand you can use these gifts, and the testimony of what God has done in you to influence your peers and help them find true joy.

You may use your intelligence and become renowned for some impressive discovery and still be miserable. Or you can allow your desire to please others to lead you down a path of immense heartache. Then again, you can use both gifts I’ve mentioned, while following God’s direction and not only be happy yourself, but take happiness to others in what ever direction God has planned for you.

Being clever, inquisitive, passionate, and creative can lead you in many directions. Perhaps you could be a doctor, a sports therapist, or a number of other careers that would be honorable professions. But, remember to keep ‘Following Christ’ as your main priority if you want to find contentment.

Each of you girls are special to me in a different way. That’s not saying we’ve never had any problems, as much as I wish I could say that. It’s angered you when you couldn‘t do what you wanted, and you have driven me to the edge of insanity. But all the time you knew that I loved you. And you knew that I was only wanting you to grasp the knowledge, that you can change yourself with God‘s help.

So often young people are protected or told what to do until they are grown, and then they are told “You are on your own.” Generally instead of becoming independent they allow someone else to tell them what to think, how to dress, or how to act. It is easier to conform to what everyone else is doing than to think things through and decide what you should do. Your friends, or the media are ever present to influence you or make those choices for you.

At Haven of Hope you have heard testimonies, you’ve watched inspirational movies, you’ve written essays, and studied scripture to help you make wiser choices. Sis. Hollie, Sis. Rebecca, Sis. Slagle, Bro. Parker, Pastor and Sis. Judd, Sis. Burton, and I have all taught you, prayed for you and counseled with you. It was done to help you learn to write chapters that reflect joy and peace in your life story.

You have learned what Proverbs 13:18 says about refusing instruction, you’ve read that you should rule your own spirit (or attitude) in Proverbs 25:28, you’ve written lessons about proper behavior and wise decisions, and you have found the definitions of being wise or foolish. I pray that you have buried those lessons in your heart to guide you tomorrow, next week, or next year in becoming the lady that God sees your potential of being.

Do I think you girls will walk out of here and never fail? Are you expected to live for God and always choose wisely? Do we think you know the way to write your story? Absolutely not! Each of us set out on the Christian walk, and probably all have even thought they could live without falling. But, speaking for myself I’ve fallen and thought it was hopeless to get up again. It seemed the same failures happened over and over in spite of me getting up and begging for a do-over which never happened. That chapter was written, so the only thing to do was start writing the next chapter with a little more thought about the words I would pen.

Just remember, ‘You are not a failure because you have fallen. You are a failure when you refuse to get up again.’ One girl said she didn’t do something wrong because she heard a little voice in her head, it was my voice saying, “If you do that again you are in serious trouble.” The Bible tells us that God speaks to us in a still small voice. There is nothing that would please me more than for my voice in your mind to help you in writing your life story with pages filled with joy. But, if you leave here and never hear my voice again, I pray that you will always be sensitive to that still, small voice that God speaks to you with. He will bring to mind some scripture you have learned then forgotten, He will encourage you when life feels too hopeless for you, He will help you with those tough choices, or He will just remind you that He loves you and is there with you .